Wow! What an off the wall question to ask, especially coming from a man; but then nothing’s off the wall for your straight gospel, no chaser writers. I put this question to C.H. a while back and it came up again a couple days ago, this time with his significant other included in the conversation. His response was the same as it was the first time I brought it up and he was quite adamant about it: “Hell, no!,” he shouted, “I wouldn’t have anybody’s baby. Have you seen what women go through?”
“Yes I’ve been in the delivery room too,” I said, “I couldn’t imagine the pain a woman goes through having a baby—but that doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t go through it if I could. I’d have a baby and I don’t believe I’m the only man in the world who would.”
“Well,” he continued, “even if I could have a baby she better make sure she’s uses a rubber! I don’t care what you say; the human species would go extinct because men are not going to have babies.” Thus, we square off like two prize fighters arguing our positions.
I understand C.H. completely. We’ve both been in the delivery room and seen what goes on first hand, and I have to admit, after seeing the birthing process the first time I felt the same way as C.H. does. It was messy, and beautiful at the same time and I came out of the experience with deeper respect and admiration for my wife. C.H. remembers the words PUSH!…PUSH!…PUSH! and then there was SCREAMING!
Nevertheless, however beautiful and touching we think the birthing process is, it is nonetheless bloody and painful (at least for most women)—and this has been etched in the mind of a lot of men. Fathers remember their partner’s facial contortions, the labor, the blood, the possible tearing or ripping of tissue, and then the birth of the child. Yes, men are just as excited to see the birth of the child as the woman is in giving birth, but in reality they are astonished at what their partner went through to pull this off. Some men see blood and they run for the hills. Thus, as far as some men are concerned, the human species can go to hell in a hand basket for all they care because if it were left up to them, they are not about to go through the kind of pain they’ve seen the mother of their children go through. “Besides all this”, C.H. argues, “ the male body and men’s mental capabilities are not sufficient to handle childbirth”.
Some of you female readers might agree. When I asked some women about whether or not they thought a man would have a child, most said: “Hell, no! They couldn’t take the pain.”
Another woman said, “I don’t think they’re psychologically equipped to handle having a baby” They seem to agree with C.H. on this matter.
However, they haven’t examined the question thoroughly. The question was: Would men have babies if they could? The argument about a man’s biological capacity is moot. The phrase, ‘if they could’ takes into account changes in the male anatomical structure that would make the act a possibility in the first place. Theoretically speaking, and all things considered equal with both sexes having the ability to birth a child, we leave the domain of a scientific argument and enter into the realm of the esoteric, where we are talking about non tangible things, like intentions, desires, wants, and inclinations, things which can’t be tied to biology—unless you want to make the argument that women are the only ones who have desires, intentions, love, and the innate ability to want and nurture offspring. If you want to make that argument I believe you’ll be on a slippery slope and will end up lost in never-never land.
” Now, hold on now, ” C.H. retorts. ” All that is true. But I don’t believe the God, the Source, the Universal Intelligence, Vishnu, Allah or even the Big Wow in his or hers infinite wisdom intended the male of the species to bear children. And some of the reasons may have already been stated here on both sides. If clearly looked at with objectivity, we can see that the male of the species could never be the giver of life to this WORLD!“
Wow! That was pretty good. What can I say to this? Well…let’s stop here and talk about paradigms for a moment; the way that people see themselves, each other and their world. This whole notion that women are better suited to take care of children is an old paradigm fostered by men who once believed that a woman’s strength was best suited for household chores, baby-making and care taking. But this stereotypical view of a woman’s role in society buckled under the pressure of truth and reality and could not be sustained in the long haul. Some women are not better suited to raise children because they choose not to be. Some of them want nothing to do with raising a family and opt out of having children altogether to pursue a career. If this type of woman were to get pregnant, she would have several options with regard to her pregnancy. For instance, she could get an abortion, consider joint custody with the father, give the baby up for adoption or attempt to raise the child herself. Whatever she decided to do would be a matter of choice. This brings us to a very important truth concerning parenthood: Good parenting, good nurturing, is always a matter of love coupled with choice and not a matter of gender or biological differences. From my position, women don’t come equipped with a gene that makes them more nurturing or a better nurturer. However, C.H. disagrees with this and you might disagree with it too. If so, we’d like to hear from you, whether you agree or disagree. Let’s continue.
I said, “Good parenting, good nurturing, is always a matter of love coupled with choice and not a matter of gender or biological differences. From my position, women don’t come equipped with a gene that makes them more nurturing or a better nurturer”. We see the effect of bad choices and irresponsible parenting made by women every day when children are taken away because of emotional or physical abuse. Thus, the biological capacity to have children does not mean that a woman has the emotional and/or the intellectual capacity to nurture and raise children. We might want to argue our opinions about such matter but the facts speak for themselves.
“My point is not that women are the only lovers and nurturers of children”, C.H. says, ”but that they are the correct ones–if you will– for reasons that men will never see.” They are the ocean, the sun and they are our rain. They are the soil necessary to bring us into this existence. It’s a mystery cast in riddles of ‘why‘. In the words of the unknown philosopher long dead: “WHY NOT US!”
Okay–that was supremely eloquent and the reasons why C.H. is the better half of the Straight “Gospel team. However, let’s get back to the facts. In addition to what I’ve already said, according the U.S. Census Bureau, there were 12.9 million one-parent families in 2006 — 10.4 million single-mother families and 2.5 million single-father families. Yes, females still comprise the larger share of single-headed households but nearly 3 million men are raising their children. Just try telling these men they lack the wherewithal, the necessary genetic components to properly raise and nurture their children. However, in C.H. defense, just because nearly 3 million men are raising their children this still does not prove that they would have these children if they could. We’d like to hear from some of these men and get their take.
Furthermore, we have yet to talk about same-sex couples and whether or not gay men would have children if they could. Clearly, from my position, if some gay men could, they probably would. C.H. argues a gay man’s desire to have children—if he could have them—might be linked to his being more in touch with his feminine principle, his feminine compassion which makes him a better man then both of us. DITTO! I agree. There is no argument here.
When it all comes down to it I think this whole question centers around a sign of the times. That is to say, I believe we are once again on the cusp of a new age of spirituality where individuals are learning to merge their feminine and the masculine principles into one complete whole. For men this task is almost insurmountable because of their conditioning. Only a few men dare step off into this abyss; but some have. For instance, the great Indian sage and mystic, Sri Ramakrishna, at times would dress in women clothing and jewelry and perform acts of worship to the Divine Mother (God). He was married to a beautiful woman who understood his love and devotion to the Source. Behind such an act of devotion is the idea that man tries to dissolve any idea that he is male. In Selections from the Gospel of Sri Ramakrishna, Kendra Crossen-Burroughs, writes, “…If he can inoculate himself thoroughly with the idea that he is a woman, he can get rid of the ideas peculiar to his male body. Again, with the idea that he is a woman, he may in turn be made to give way to another higher, namely, that he is neither man nor woman, but the Impersonal Spirit.”
Now, no man has to go this far to rid himself of his male identity, but if he does, it is perfectly acceptable. Most men, because of their conditioning as males and their identification with the body will never go this far because of their homophobia. At the root of homophobia is fear. Not the fear of being contaminated by the ideas of homosexuality, but the fear that one might actually be homosexual. Wow! I said it! You can take this statement anyway you like. It is neither an argument for or against homosexuality but it does brings us right back to the issue of fear.
In conclusion, if C. H. is right, even if men were anatomically made to have children they wouldn’t have them because they would be afraid to; they couldn’t take the pain of childbirth, plus the argument that they lack the psychological component necessary to give birth. I hope that we have given you, the reader, both sides of the argument. However, the pain argument is an opinion, a conditioned response from the perspective of a woman or man looking at a man from his or her current perspective. The question asks the reader to step outside body consciousness into the realm of the spirit, where the walls of male/female separateness are no more. From this higher perspective, do you think men would have babies if they could? Inquiring minds want to know.
“THE RED MOON BELIEVES IT IS THE SUN BUT HE CAST NO HEAT ON THE EARTH BELOW”. C.H. WYATT 8/06
Your Straight Gospel Writers
C.H. Wyatt & L.E. Coleman
