I don’t know where I’m going from here, but I promise it won’t be boring.
David Bowie
June 11, 2011
TIGER BLOOD!!!!!!!!!
As I walked into the bar, there was only one seat. So I sat down next to some guy muttering under his breath. “I should of had them all shot; maggots, worms!!!” As the bartender walked over to me I looked in his glazed green eyes. He shouted above the music “what will you have!” Suddenly the guy next to me shouted “He’ll have what I’m drinking – TIGERS BLOOD!” He reached into a well worn wallet and pulled out a $100 dollar bill and began shouting “At the end of the day it’s about commerce and money! Their trolls! Trolls I tell you! Retarded zombies that say they could treat me! I’am a winner damn it! A winner, winning!”
I looked at his face and suddenly I realized and yelled at him ”your that guy on one and a half men. Your Charlie Sheen!”
“I’m the Warlock damn it, and that’s Two and a half men you idiot!” he retorted.
Sitting there in amazement I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned to see who it was. There stood Jim Tressel, coach of THE Ohio State football team, decked out in one of the schools football jerseys. “Wanna dance young man?” Without a second thought Charlie jumped to his feet and said “I’ll take that proposal” as he grabbed Jim’s hand and rushed him to the dance floor.
There I sit on my stool dumbfounded at what I had just witnessed. “F*#k!!! What the hell is going on here?” The next thing I know, my nose is being assulted by the heavy scent of cheap perfume. And there she stood, raven haired and boobs the size of New York. I had heard tales but nothing prepared me for what happened next. Scanning her from cheek to cheek, I couldly barely speak, that ass is for real! It was the one, the only Kim K. in the flesh. “HAVE YOU HEARD MY NEW CD?” and with that she lets out a banshee’s wail. It shatters my glass of TIGERS BLOOD.
Now the bartender is covering his ears as he asks me if the lady would like a drink and I another? Finally she stops and asks me “what do you think?” I replied “I hope you got paid up front!” With that she yelled “you could have had me all night, but you blew it buddy!”. She turns and walks away.
A sweaty hand again grabs my shoulder. It’s Charlie this time. Now what, I think to myself. Charlie begins to quote Laozi…”Dao is the softest thing in the world, but it can overcome the hardest thing in the world.” The next thing I hear is Charlie screaming ….
“MORE TIGER BLOOD, MORE TIGER BLOOD!!!”
June 8, 2011
TOMMORROW ALWAYS KNOWS
In all my years of being alive the noise seems to come from those who know nothing about what they claim they know. They try and take you down with moves they have never made. Their minds pushes them down the line. In area 51 there are things that we will never know.
The light shines on cockroaches. Slowly rats are seen running toward whores, the graves are filled with victims shaking and rattling around. It is impossible to believe in a coward who would ever say that he could win. So the brave fight on, tyranny has no face, the mask will do.
As I die I will live through them, the brave, the courageous who give nothing but their souls. The lives of the fallen will never sink lower than the dirt that covers their graves. A**holes will live in their own minds forever. They never fought a fight they didn’t lose, but their mouth speaks volumes why they can never win. lonely are the brave, who fight on. In the words of NOAM CHOMSKY: “IF WE CHOOSE WE CAN LIVE IN A WORLD OF COMFORTING ILLUSION.”
May 24, 2011
END GAME!
Arnold’s marital peripeteia came to light during the worst time of his professional career. The body of a god gone, his political career permanently shelved, his twenty year affair squarely has put him in the dock. There were plenty of plans and achievements, but the achievements have borne little resemblance to the original goals, the costs (family, marriage, friends) were higher than he ever imagined they would be, and the diversions resulted in more pain than any weight he had ever lifted. There will be no sequel to “Pumping Iron”.
May 15, 2011
RETURN OF THE KING!!!!!!!!!
In a world of pathos , the rivers are so fast you smell the rotting heads of the fish . Chaos has become a god, driven by hope and freedom. While the world waits in the back allies for their food. Crack has never left us as It pushes the pipe down our throats giving us , but a moment of freedom from the last hit. Damn this life is good ,whores every where you look asses so big they black out the sun. Perfume so strong the wind carries It for miles.
Walking women In sheets of red throw the baby across the road with his bath water! When the wise man, yells for change the stone throwers gather their rocks. As the brave man falls to his knees, and the blood runs from his veins he just yells why!!!!!!!!!!! The stones never stop.They rain down on him like death! The blood flows, as rats drink It like water. Asses walk away, muttering he was just a rebel without a cause! A small child looks on with tears In his eyes. The rats feed on the bodies of dead heroes, as the pig waits for his share. The sun shines bright on that thing. We will never know! To the artist is sometimes granted a sudden, transient insight which serves in this matter for experience. A flash, and where previously the brain held a dead fact, the soul grasps a living truth! At moments we are all artists.
SHEEN TEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As I sit here waiting on Godot, the cat vomits all over my feet. With no job in sight, and no way of getting there. I reflect on women and men I will never know again. They gave everything, to make sure we could make the storms fade from our vision and become the things of myth. Why do others judge when we see their imperfect faces, casting shadows of doubt. They have not always been our lovers, that was for others. The cat now pisses in my shoes, he thinks he was my only pet! Walking into the bar, I heard someone yelling “SOLID DREAMS CAN FILL THIS SOUL GIRL!”. I turned around and there he was. There he was staggering down the lanes of a one way street; CHARLIE SHEEN! As I tried to enter the bar he grabbed my jersey. “Why are you going in there when there’s a perfectly good alley next door!
I turned and go with him into a dim lit alley, filled with rats and trash cans. As I asked him why we’re here, he kept yelling TIGER BLOOD, TIGER BLOOD!! Then he pulled from a suitcase two bottles of wine: Chardonnay and Merlot, and as we drank from them he said “They all think I’m 
September 23, 2010
BARREN WOLF PART/ 1
KOOKS, they’re running the asylum. I live with one everyday. He stands 6 foot even, and the things that come out of his mouth make my head spin. He seems not to be dazzled by real life. He wakes only at night, wandering the streets like a vampire looking for his next victim. Snow white hair and blue eyes, he stalks the f**king night. My sister was his first casualty. They were an item before she found out his only ambition in life was to wash dishes at the finest truck stops in town. When he got his wish at ‘Gay and Oil’, she threw his clothes into the street. So I took him in, what a day that was. On his first night he said “I will boil some eggs for the tuna fish.” I should have known better, but just then my blackberry explodes. It’s my sister yelling at the top of her lungs, “NO YOU DIDN’T TAKE THAT WORTHLESS S**T INTO YOUR HOME!!!!” Before I can reply BARREN WOLF comes running from the kitchen yelling “the eggs are on FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” I call 911 the firemen respond, their water and hoses everywhere. The firemen look at me and say “WHAT THE F**K HAVE GUYS BEEN SMOKING, WEED???????” As they leave, I look over in the corner, there sits barren wolf with a can in his hands, all he says is, “WANT SOME TUNA???” CHWYATT/L.E.COLEMAN
August 8, 2010
FOR ALL THE LOST
This is for all the ones who feel the pain of bringing us into this world let me say this ones FOR YOU! She must have said no a million times before she ever said yes. There would be months, ahead of pain , and sickness her once svelte body now ballooning out of shape.Then came the cravings! where was he she thought, I need it so BAD. As she dropped to her knees from the pain crawling around inside her,she screams! He walks in , with the doctor his face as pale as ash. Doc moves slowly toward her, his face as pale as white stone. His words seem to come from a place not in reality.’ Push ,Push, he screamed as the pain grew ! Then, finally It happens first the head then the rest, the screams grow louder almost to a level of thunder. Doc turns quickly and yells “GIVE ME THE BAG!” He’s wild now, plunging needles Into all parts of her body his eyes watery from the sweat rolling down his pale white face. As my head falls Into my hands the only voices I can hear are the chanting of a madman and those awful screams!! TO BE CONTINUED……..
C.H. WYATT/ L.E.CLOEMAN
April 30, 2010
SWAN SONG
For him the ring was his home, in its confines he had been a GOD. But tonight he felt his abilities slipping away; the inevitable was happening to him. Father time had found him, as their game of hide and seek had ended. Gone were the moves, and the grace which he executed them so well. As the referee counted the last one 1, 2, 3, his shoulders against the canvas, it was over. He knew this would be the last time he would ever be a champion. As the crowd cheered for the new young lion who had taken his spot, he walked down the aisle to the dressing room one last time. He began to remove his boots as he sat on the locker room bench, the blood oozing down his arms. The door swings open, there stood not one of the boys (they had all left earlier after wishing him well on his future endeavors) but a quiet, unassuming man named Joe; the last person to enter the locker room for going on 30 years; picking up after the athletes, mopping sweat and blood once the show was over. He looked into his eyes and saw sadness for the first time, realizing that it was me that had the bad job, not Joe. Then he asked Joe ”What did you think man, about my match?” Joe responded “I’ve seen you at your best and now Father Time has taken the rest”. As he untaped his hands, he thought to himself, DAMN, DAMN. This coming from a man who has cleaned up all our blood and sweat; some of us have given him tips and trips. He thought to myself, all this time JOE had the bad job! Joe said “Look champ, I know you lost tonight, but at least when you leave I’ll turn out the lights”. Just then Joe extended his hand and said ”you’ll have this to take with you”. In his hand Joe placed a jewel from the first championship belt he had ever earned. Long thought to be lost, Joe had found it and kept it for him all these years. He stood there amazed, and humbled, feeling as though he had been given back the youth and glory of my younger days. He looked up at Joe, as he lifted himself off the bench, stitches still bleeding, and walked to the showers, Joe said ” I’ll still turn out the lights CHAMP”!
April 4, 2010
ANGELS IN REVOLT
The Catholic Church continues to ignore the abuse of priests whose primary responsibility has always been to promote the faith of Jesus Christ and to take care of its members. By abusing the youngest minds and the weakest among them–those who can’t possibly understand the ramifications of being manipulated into the sexual appetites of men who have been denied their natural urges–the church continues to be thrown into a negative light. Not every priest can be painted with this broad brush of condemnation. The dark souls of those who do engage in this hideous behavior are dooming themselves, because they will be the ones standing at the gates of hell when their lives have ended. The scars they have left on the young they have abused, scream out for vengeance, and all those who aided and abetted these priest must pay a price. Perhaps, some of the angels wings are broken and the tears of blood are now running down their faces. Maybe this too will be for those who prey on the innocent. And as the storm clouds over the Vatican grow darker, the light dims. For today is Easter Sunday, it’s time to reflect on this verse: ” JUDGE ME O LORD MY GOD, ACCORDING TO THY RIGHTEOUSNESS, AND LET THEM NOT REJOICE OVER ME.” ……. PSALM 24
SO, POPE BENEDICT XVI, THE ANGELS MAKE ONE REQUEST OF YOU: DO THE RIGHT THING!
Your Straight Gospel, No Chaser writers
C.H. Wyatt & L.E. Coleman
